yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
