May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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