dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize