oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
