im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
