I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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