ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
