just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it was like eating out sand paper
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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