..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize