Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
this boner is exhausting
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
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Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
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I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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