Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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