I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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