and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize