Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
