The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
