Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
