I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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