the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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