Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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