I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.