Only a mothe r could love this liver
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way