I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.