If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
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Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
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And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?