Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
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I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
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SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here