Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
