dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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