remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize