If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...