Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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