If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.