my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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