is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
