No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize