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Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
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