Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me