Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?