Your face is a jimmy john
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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