doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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