Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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