Barsexuality is the new black.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
