ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
