if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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