Please, let me fuck your mom
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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