Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
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I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
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Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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