whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
