she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
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We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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