happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
