Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I want to fling myself into the sun
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize