I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you would pick up someone in the library
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
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I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.