We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i've created a new STD.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
