then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
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