I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
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Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
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Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.