I heard we made out
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick