You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?