I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize