Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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