now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
