I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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