is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Less talking, more tequila
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
