The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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